What if what I want is what God wants? Can they be the same? Or am I just in denial about the fact that God and I might agree on my future? This is the question that was brought up to me yesterday on a lunch date I had with a good friend. Not going to lie, life has been a bit stressful lately, with relationships, academics, social life, really just balancing life. And I didn’t really realize how much it had been effecting me till I met with my friend.
After talking to her, I realized that I had been a completely different person this semester, and I was actually a lot more negative, and a lot more unpleasant to be around. To be honesty, i’ve just been rude this entire semester, and I’ve done nothing but complain to anyone and everyone. I feel like this semester is going to be rough, and I’ve let that control me. Between the drama of being in a relationship at Taylor and competing with everyone on campus to have the busiest life, how do we all still have time left over for God?
I had a small group leaders meeting the other night and one of the girls said that she was just tired of people listing off all their commitments and all the jobs, classes, and other activities they were doing in their lives, and that she didn’t want to be like that anymore. And after thinking that through. I don’t want to be that way either. Why should I complain about the great blessings that I have in my life, and why should I brag about having no time for God? If I want to be right in my relationship with Christ I have to COMMIT my life to him, which includes my time.
This semester I’m going to commit myself to spending more time with God than I have ever before! I want more of Him, and after my great summer at camp I know that I need Him to make it through each day. I need to be giving up myself in order to receive more of Him. But as I said earlier the great thing about giving up myself for Him, is that sometimes we might have the same goal for my life. Maybe, just maybe, God put some of these desires on my heart for a reason, maybe He wants them to happen. I have to stop stressing out so much about my financial problems, my relationship problems, my academic problems and give them all to God because I can trust Him, I just simply have to live by faith.
As I write this, I’m listening to the song ‘Restless’ by Audrey Assad. And it says “You are the keeper of my heart! And I’m restless, I’m restless, till I rest in you! Till I rest in you! I am restless, I’m restless, till I rest in you! Till I rest in you!”, and this is my prayer. That I may rest in the peace that He has bestow upon me. I don’t deserve anything that I receive and yet God gives it to me anyway. So why don’t I stop this complaining, stop this negativity, and stop this attitude that I always have lately, and in exchange outpour on others the love and the grace that God has bestowed upon me.
What if I just gave my life to Christ, and really meant it?
This week I’ve definitely be challenged. And it took me till today to really understand that. It’s quite possible been the hardest week at camp this far, and I even shed a couple tears to seal the deal. I never expected jr. Explorers to emotionally run me out, but I also didn’t expect to see God work through such a hard week.
As we were singing together with a couple of staff members to iChat we shared what God had been doing in our lives this summer. My friend mentioned that she has seen him working in her weaknesses an that’s what allowed her to make it through. I started thinking about what God had been teaching me this summer (especially as we have our exit interviews with the director of our areas this week) but thinking that through I had to stop and actually think. What had I been learning?
I have been challenged a lot this summer, but never really drained. I have been tired but never to tired to keep up my hype. God gave me such strength this summer, it’s incredible. But as I was weak this week I saw Him work in much different ways. This summer I found that my strength has definitely come through prayer and through The Word of God. But as this week was crazy with 3 day campers we weren’t having morning meetings and I wasn’t in the word, or praying with fellow believers. Which is why I was probably so weak this week. But as I look back on this week I learned that God strengthened me through that weakness in other ways. Having my AD Katie just come over and ask me if I was doing alright during breakfast and then hugging me as I started to cry was weird. I realized that I really needed people right then. I’m learning this summer that I don’t have to be perfect. I’m learning that I’m not meant to be perfect, and I never will be. I’m not meant to have ALL of my campers accept Christ. I’m not meant to be the “best” counselor, and I’m not meant to be everyone’s friend at camp. This summer I’ve been called to be myself and learned more about God being by my side at all times. The music drama that our ADs do this year is with the s Tenth Avenue North Song “By Your Side” one of my favorites but didn’t mean as much to me at first as it does right now. Watching the drama makes me wonder each time of I rally believe God is by my side and if my family really understands that He is. God is showing me so much that I’m do scatter brained, even as I write this I’m all over the place, and I feel like I never have time to just stop. God is working so much in my life this summer and I am just started to process it all now. I know it’s going to take a while but it’s nice to know that He is by my side during my weak moments. :)